i don't enjoy being harshly judged- for my life, for my thoughts. for a day when i may have felt something that (actually...) i don't feel currently and hadn't felt to that extent before. i don't enjoy feeling like i have to watch how i exsist just to please somebody who will never be happy because they simply can not have what they want, and there's not a thing i can do to change that.
well, c'mon... who does?
the only thing i can say is that i'm in progress, still moving and growing, and i'll be darned if i'm not doing the best i can.
i think if i had "words to the wise" tonight (which i don't, really... in general, i'm kind of all out of words.) they would be as follows: don't expect me to be perfect, or perfectly what you want. unfortunately, i'll fail miserably. see above, i'm only a person in progress. all i can do is be responsible to a) God and b) myself since that is who i answer to for the decisions i've made. lastly (which is a good rule of thumb all around!): don't base your life on the internet. don't base it on a single posting you read or on a feeling or an assumption. if that's what you choose to do, you are only hurting yourself.
all i can do is what i can do and the rest, my dear, is up to you. wish i could've explained this in a phone call, but i guess that's not what you need. wish it didn't have to be this way, but i can not be what you need to feel okay about yourself or your life. i never have been enough for that. i'm honestly doing the best that i can but i will not try to change myself for you, my life is my business and God's. i have nothing to hide and i've done nothing wrong.
wow... it took me long enough to get to that conclusion.
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1 comment:
wow, such wisdom in this post!!
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