okay

that was a cop-out entry. i thought i would be able to write and then i found myself here on my living room couch at one in the morning, stuck and without words. now i'm still kind of stuck but cop-outs are lame. no mas.

so here's a good thing: i got a new camera. it's lovely and charming and brilliant.

here's a not as good a thing: i'm attempting less fillers in my life. not on purpose, i think it's a God thing. but without the fillers, there are spots in my life that ache, and spots that just feel slightly alone. it's kind of painful and i'm tired of being in a painful spot. i want heaven; i want home.

here's another good thing: i go back from whence i came in t-minus 6 days! hurrah, vaca! hurrah, time with fam and friends! hurrah sister's wedding and all that jazz! hurrah.

here's not as good a thing: some things/people/crutches have been taken away (as previously mentioned) but i am failing to fill those spots with time with the Lord. i don't know what's my problem, honestly. i really and truly have been mostly ignoring God and He is right there, always, waiting for my unfaithful heart to come back to true love. why do i find people and netflix and computers and room-cleaning more fascinating than getting closer to God? i'm pretty mad at myself when i really think about it. that's stupid.

here's one last good thing: today, someone told me that i was missed like roger clemens misses steroids. i cracked up. funny, tongue-in-cheek sports analogies? ah-mazing.

'night.